自己愛ってナニ？

メンタル・イデア・ラボの本城ハルです。

自己愛

意味がわかるようで何だかよくわからない、そう思っている人は多いのではないでしょうか。

自分大好き！！

頑張る自分を誰よりも認め、自分のことを好きでいること。この気持ち自体は大切なことで、自分を認められないと“自己肯定感”を持ちづらくなります。（自己肯定感についてはまたの機会に。）

ただ、この【自己愛】が強すぎると『自分だけが大事！』になり、これはこれで人間関係に軋轢を生みやすい非常に厄介な人になってしまいます。

いろいろな使われ方をされる【自己愛】ですが、今回は自己愛が強すぎるタイプとはどのような人なのか、それがどう人間関係に影響してしまうのかをお話しします。

◇

自己愛が強すぎる人には幾つかの特徴があります。

●自分に対して評価が甘い。
自分を大好き過ぎると、『ま、いっか』が激増、自分大好き＝自分を甘やかす、になりがち。

言葉の端々から自己卑下しているように見えても、実は自己評価が高いという人がいます。何かに躓くと、自分が悪いのではなく「〇〇があったから」と環境のせいに、「〇〇さんが□□だから」と人のせいに、という具合に周りが悪いという考えに向きがちです。

●失敗から学べない。
私生活や仕事で失敗することがあっても過度に「自分は大丈夫」と思い、反省から振り返り、次の行動に活かすことができない。そのため、何度も同じ失敗を繰り返しやすい。

自己愛が強過ぎる人は、自分の中に“理想の自己像”があり、自分の失敗や欠点、汚い部分（実は自分は計算高いところがある、人によって態度を変えるなど）を認めない傾向が高いです。失敗について誰かに咎められても、自分を省みることが難しいことから、謝罪をしていても形だけ、どこかで「自分は悪くない（だって〇〇さんが・・・）（だって□□があったから・・・）」「自分が正しい」と思っています。

●思いやりの持ち方、考え方が独特。
自己愛が強過ぎると自分にばかり意識が向いているので、他者の気持ちや感情を認識しようとしないし、そんなことより“自分が優先”。

大切なもの、守りたいものは自分（だけ）の気持ちやプライド、体面なので、それが傷つけられたと感じると、他者から見て些細なことでも過剰反応し、激しい感情をぶつけます。とても強いように見えますが、他者からの否定や非難には非常に打たれ弱く、嘘や詭弁でその場を逃げようとします。客観的に現実把握する力があっても、自分（だけ）が大切で可愛い、守りたいのは自分（だけ）なので、自分の失敗を認めて反省することはできません。

他者（関わる人）をブンブン振り回しエネルギーを奪う人たちの中には、ボーダーと言われる“境界性パーソナリティー障害”がいますが、自己愛が強過ぎる人も、ボーダー並みに他者を心底疲弊させます。

失敗を認めず、「だって〜」「でも〜」「だから〜」を繰り出し、誰かのせいにばかりしているとウンザリされますし、口先の謝罪ばかりで行動自体が何も変わらなければ他者から相手にされません。

自分を愛し大切にする適切な“自己愛”は、自己中心や自意識過剰、自分大好き人間とは違うのです。

家から一歩出ると（一人暮らしでなければ家の中にも“他者”がいますが）、どのような形でも自分以外の他者と関わりながら社会生活を営んでいます。

自分（だけ）が一番可愛い、自分（だけ）を守りたい、自分（だけ）は傷つきたくない、何かあったら人のせい・・・と、ジブンがー！ジブンがー！ばかりだと、関わる人は疲れてしまいます。

私生活でこのようなタイプに行き当たってしまったら・・・「へー」「ほー」「ふーん」と定型文ループで浅いお付き合いを心掛け、大切な自分のエネルギーを無駄に使わないようにしましょう（笑）

誰かが言っていた印象深い言葉があります。

【我が強い】と【気が強い】は似て非なるものだ、

と。なるほど、と思いました。

◇

＜運営会社：Jiyuuku Inc.＞

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