自己満足だけで終わらない厄介なメサイアコンプレックス

メンタル・イデア・ラボの本城ハルです。

困っている人の力になりたい、助けたい。

社会に貢献したい、役立ちたい！

大なり小なり誰にでもある欲求ですし、それ自体はとても尊い心がけだと思います。しかし、メサイアコンプレックス（救世主妄想）の場合、少々厄介です。

他者を助けることでトラブルを引き起こすメサイアコンプレックス。

さまざまなトラブルとは“人助けをしても嫌がられる（迷惑がられる）”“自己犠牲で疲れ果てる”“不健康な人間関係になってしまう”などですが、なぜ他者を助けることでトラブルが起こるのでしょうか。

まず、メサイアコンプレックスを持つ人には幾つかの特徴があります。

●優しそうな雰囲気(優しい)
●自分を犠牲にする
●問題を抱え苦しんでいる人の側にいる
●ボランティア活動が好き
●他者からのアドバイスや意見を聞かない

それではひとつひとつ見ていきましょう。

  • 優しそうな雰囲気（優しい）

メサイアコンプレックスの人は困っている、問題を抱えている人を見過ごせません。そのような人を見つけると優しく声を掛けます。相手を助けたいという気持ちはもちろんですが、相手がこれからも自分を頼る仕組みを作ろうとする意図が無意識にあります。

  • 自分を犠牲にする

これほど頑張っている自分には大いに価値がある、と考え、今の状況に疑問があったり自己犠牲から本人も心身に疲労を感じていても、他者助けをすることでしか自分を満たすことができないので、やめたくてもやめられなくなっています。

  • 問題を抱え苦しんでいる人の側にいる

メサイアコンプレックスの根底には“人助けをすることで自分を満たしたい”欲求があるので、欲求を満たすために“助けられる他者”が必要です。そのため、問題を抱えている人を見つけて側に寄り添うのです。相手の世話（？）を続けることで『こんなに一生懸命尽くす私には価値がある』『この人には私が必要なんだ』（共依存の始まりですね）と感じ、自分の気持ちを満たすのです。問題を抱えている人は往々にして余裕がなく、普段冷静な人でも冷静さを失っていることが多いので、そのような心理状態の時にメサイアコンプレックスの人が現れると、ついすがってしまいます。これが共依存を生んでしまうケースも多くあります。

  • ボランティア活動が好き

ボランティア活動には手っ取り早く自分の中にある無意識な欲求を満たすことができる環境が整っているからです。ボランティア活動では一人一人に役割が与えられ、他者や社会に貢献することで『人の役に立っている』『自分は必要とされている』とわかりやすく感じることができるので、自分を満たすことができるのです。ただ、本当に奉仕の気持ちでボランティア活動をしている人も多くいるので“ボランティア活動をしているからメサイアコンプレックス！”では決してありません。メサイアコンプレックスの人は、自分の思いどおりにならないことが起きると急激に熱が冷め、そのボランティア活動を辞めてしまいます。

  • 他者からのアドバイスや意見を聞かない

メサイアコンプレックスの人は、“これが正しい”“これが（こうすることが）この人の（社会の）ためになる”という、自分なりの正義感や思い込みが強いので、「自分は間違っていない！」という気持ちを持っています。そのため、他者からのアドバイスや意見に耳を貸さない、受け取れない人が多いようです。今流行りの自粛警察にマスク警察、思い当たりませんか？

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誰にでも『誰かに必要とされたい』という気持ちはあるものですが、メサイアコンプレックスの人は『自分には価値がない』という劣等感も持ち合わせているので“誰かに必要とされたい”という気持ちをより強く持っています。メサイアコンプレックスがあると、自分の存在を無条件に『意味がある』『価値がある』とは考えられません。そのため“誰かを助ける自分”“社会に貢献する自分”がなければ、自らに価値を見出せないので、より一層誰かに必要とされたいと強く思うのです。

ほとんどの人が何らかの人助けをした時に見返りを求めるもので、これはごく普通のことです。これは何も金銭物品のお礼という見返りではなく、「ありがとう、助かったよ」というひと言も、この場合、見返りになります。人助けをして、ありがとうと言われ気を悪くする人はいませんよね。

メサイアコンプレックスの人も人助けをした時に見返りを求めているのは同じなのですが、その見返りの“質”が違います。

人助けとは本来“相手を助ける”ことが目的です。見返りはあると嬉しい（喜んでもらえた、感謝してもらえた、ご飯をご馳走してもらえたなど含む）けど、なければ「残念だなぁ」程度ではないでしょうか。メサイアコンプレックスの人は“人助けをすることで自分を満たす”が目的ですから、自分が望む見返りがなけれは意味がないと考えます。そのため、メサイアコンプレックスの人は人助けをした後に見返りがないと過剰反応します。

お礼の言葉がなくても普通は「失礼な人だな」くらいで済むと思いますが、メサイアコンプレックスの人は「（あなたのために）こんなにやってあげたのにあり得ない！」という考えになってしまいます。人助けは同じでも、相手を助けることが目的、人助けをして自分を満たすのが目的・・・と、目的によって結果（お礼、見返り）に対する反応がまったく違うのです。

メサイアコンプレックスには、過去に劣等感を生む辛い体験や、生活環境があったことに間違いありませんが、身近にメサイアコンプレックスがいると、親切の押し売りや頼んでもいないのに勝手に暴走され、かなりウザいと感じるでしょう。

メサイアコンプレックスを持つ本人がメサイアコンプレックスの自分と向き合っていくのはもちろん大切なことですが、巻き込まれて不快な思いをしないために対処法を身につけたほうが良いこともあります。

メサイアコンプレックスは自分を必要としてくれる人を求めているので、心理的距離を取り、こちらから関わらないことが一番の対処法です。次に

「自分で考えて行動できるから大丈夫（助けはいらない）」

をはっきり主張することです。

「心配してくれてるから申し訳ない」「せっかく助けようとしてくれてるから」と思ってしまうアナタ、共依存にまっしぐらですよ。

◇

＜運営会社：Jiyuuku Inc.＞

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