認知スタイルから見えてくるもの＜１＞

メンタル・イデア・ラボの本城ハルです。

不安、不快な出来事や失敗からの躓きでの後悔、トラブルが起こった時の受け止め方の認知に【自罰的】【他罰的】【無罰的】という認知スタイルがあります。

【自罰的】な思考が強いと、ネガティブに引っ張られやすく自分ばかりを責めてしまう癖（認知の歪み）が生まれてしまいます。

今回は自罰的（自罰傾向強）にフォーカスしてお話してみようと思います。

まず、

自罰的な人は褒められることが苦手

です。それは【自分の中にある自分像と、相手が自分に持っているであろう自分像に温度差がある】と感じていることが原因です。

日本は謙遜を美徳とする妙な文化があるので、褒められても素直に「ありがとう」とは言いづらいものですが、「いやいや自分なんてまだまだ・・・云々、全然ダメです」までいってしまうと、自己評価も自己肯定感も低くなります。

褒められる（認められる）のが苦手な人には、本来ある他者評価よりも低くしか自分を思い描くことができません。自らを低くしか評価していないものを、他者に認められたり、褒められてもあまり嬉しくなかったり、どう反応していいのかわからなくなってしまうからです。

自己承認するのが下手で、自らを責めて（罰して）いないと辛くなってしまうのが、自罰的な人なのです。

自分を責める気持ちが強い人は、無意識に“自分に対し罰を与えてしまう”心の構図が出来上がっているので、自分が自己否定していることが、必ずしも“悪い”と決めつけてしまうものではない、と受け止める練習が必要です。

なぜ「私っていつもいつも・・・ダメな人間だ」と思うのか、それは無意識のうちに、上手くやれない自分を自ら罰することで一瞬ですが“安心すること”ができるからです。

自分の中に【自分は何やってもダメなんだ、と思う自分】と【ダメなんだから厳しく罰せねば】という２種類の自分が存在することにより、強い自責の念に囚われます。その後、厳しく罰せねばの自分が片方の自分に対し“もう十分ダメな自分は苦しんだから”と責めることを止め、この時に上記の“安心する”気持ちになるのです。これは

歪んでいて辛い認知です。

先ほども書きましたが、自罰的な人は自己承認が上手くできません。「気をつけてるのにまたやってしまった」→「ダメだダメだ、私なんて本当にダメ」これを

「ダメな自分も自分の一部だもんな」と自己承認できるようになると、自罰的な自分から脱出できる足掛かりとなり、次に「私も全部が全部ダメじゃないんだから」と変容させていけるようになると生き方もずいぶんラクになります。

自罰的な背景にはさまざまなものがあり、愛着障害（アタッチメント不全）があるとなかなか厄介です。本人は何も悪くないのに自罰的になってしまうほど、辛く苦しいものはありません。

次回は他罰的、無罰的とは？についてお話します。

◇

＜運営会社：Jiyuuku Inc.＞

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