迷惑とわがままの境界線

メンタル・イデア・ラボの本城ハルです。

現代社会、特にこのコロナ禍では残念なことに徐々に失われつつありますが、日本人は昔から「人様にご迷惑をお掛けしてはいけない」神話があり、その精神にがんじ絡めにされているような気がします。

わざわざ迷惑をかけるのは問題外ですが、生きていれば誰もが誰かに何らかの形で迷惑をかけてしまうことはあるのではないでしょうか。

この『迷惑をお掛けしないように』という気持ちが行き過ぎた時、自分らしさを見失い、人を卑屈にし、ますます自分を追い詰めてしまうことにも繋がります。

行動面では多動はなく、幼少期の育てにくさはありませんでしたが、我が家にもＡＤＨＤの息子がいます。ＡＤＨＤとＡＳＤを併合していると小さいうちはとにかく落ち着きがなく、すぐどこかにいなくなってしまうわ、自分の思いどおりにならないと泣き喚いたり物を投げたりと、なかなか手が焼けるものです。買い物に行こうものなら買わない約束をしていても毎回お菓子をねだり、思いどおりにならなくて気に入らないとひっくり返って背中で回っている姿を何度も見たことがあります。

奇声を発し走り回り泣き喚く。仕方ないことですがウルサイです。鬱陶しいです、正直。

「お騒がせしてすみません」この気持ちは当たり前に持っていなくてはいけないと思いますし、ひと言断ることで周りは「仕方ないよね」という気持ちにもなります。だからと言って、卑屈になるほど曲げた腰が戻らないくらいペコペコする必要はないと思います。しかし当の親が「子供なんだから泣くのは当たり前じゃない！うるさくて当たり前でしょ、社会で子育てするもんでしょ、心が狭いわね！」と思っていたとすれば、それは傲慢でわがままに映ります。読者の皆さんにはどう映りますか？

  1. 電車内で泣き喚く幼児を連れた親が、ひと言「お騒がせしてすみません」の後、子供を泣き止まそうとあの手この手を使い、それでも泣き止まなければ次の駅で降りる。
  2. 同じく泣き喚く幼児を「子供だし仕方ないじゃん、子供は泣くのが仕事」とばかりに泣き喚く幼児に寄り添わず、スマホいじりを止めない。

１はうるさくても「頑張ってるね、お母さん（お父さん）、もう暫くの辛抱だから頑張ってね、迷惑はお互いさまだから」と“迷惑”を感じる度合いは低くなりませんか？

反対に２では「あなたの子供でしょ？こんなにウルサイんだからちょっとはあやすなり何なりしたら？スマホなんかやらずにさ！」という気持ちになりませんか？思いっ切り“迷惑”と感じていてわがままに映るのではないでしょうか。呆れる気持ちも生まれます。

迷惑だと思っていても、そこに相手の謙虚さがあれば他者はそんなに攻撃的な荒れた気持ちにならないものです。

満員電車で誰もが不快な気分になりながら我慢して乗っている時に足を踏まれる、よくあることですが、とっさに「すみません」と言える人には、「いったいなーもう」と思っても「仕方ない、こんなに混んでるんだから気をつけてよね」くらいだと思います。一方で「そんなとこに足があるのが悪いだろ！踏んじゃったもんは仕方ないだろ」と謝るどころか逆ギレ、居直ったら、踏まれた人は「なんだよ、人の足を踏んどいて謝らないわけ？」と当然イライラしますし、人によっては言い争いになったり、トラブルに発展するかもしれません。

やはり大切なのは「すみません」という気持ちを口に出すことですよね。

迷惑をかけるのはお互いさま。確かに生きていく中で、一度も誰にも迷惑をかけずには無理なので“お互いさま”と言えるかもしれません。ただ迷惑をかけている（負担をかけている／だろう）側がそれを言ってはダメなのです。

迷惑をかけられた側が「ご迷惑をおかけしてすみません／お騒がせしてすみません」の気持ちを持つ人に対して「いやいやお互いさまだから（お気になさらず）」ではないでしょうか。

似たことに“お客様は神様”という言い方がありますが、代金を払う客側がいつでも何でも神様で店側より偉いものだ！と言っているわけではなく、店を利用してくれるこの店を選んでくれた人だから神様のように大切に、という店側の感謝を込めた気持ちの表れとしての表現です。使うのは客側ではなく店側なのです。勘違いして恥ずかしい振る舞いをしている人が多くいるのは残念なことです。

誰にでもトンガってすぐに声を荒げ好戦的、謝ったら負けとばかりに自分がどれだけ正当性があるのか強い言葉で相手に詰め寄る人、どこにでもいますよね。私はそういう人を、謝ったらナメクジになる呪いをかけられているか、謝ったら死ぬ病気なんだと思うようにしています（笑）

◇

＜運営会社：Jiyuuku Inc.＞

「迷惑とわがままの境界線」への47件のフィードバック

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