連載:アサーション【1】

メンタル・イデア・ラボの本城ハルです。

導入でもお話ししまたが、まず4つのコミュニケーションパターンの説明から入ります。

【ノン・アサーティブ】

納得がいかなくても相手の気持ちや考えを最優先して「わかった/はい」というタイプで、相手は尊重するが自分を大切にしない自己表現。図②

人間関係で起こった問題を「私が悪いからだ」「私のせいだ」と自責に向きやすく「仕方ない・・・」と諦める人に多く見られます。

【アグレッシブ】

自分は大切にしても他者を尊重しない自己表現。図①

他者との関係において勝ち負けで考える傾向が高いので「自分は間違っていない/相手より優れている」と無意識に相手より優位な立場に立とうとすることから、威圧的な態度や押し付けるような一方的な言動が目立つため、反感を買いやすく主張が受け入れてもらいにくくなります。上司になればなるほど気をつけたいですね。

【パッシブ・アグレッシブ】

アグレッシブと似ていますが、作為的なタイプ。図③

納得がいかず不満があっても本人の前ではっきりと主張はせず、何とか察してもらおうとする面倒なタイプです。「自分だけた悪いわけじゃない、悪いのは相手も同じだ(この気持ちのほうが強い)」と考えるので表面上は冷静に見えても、怒りを溜め込んでいます。

【アサーティブ】

自分の気持ちや考えを大切にしますが、同時に相手の気持ちや考えも尊重する自他尊重のコミュニケーションパターン。図④

自分の言いたいことをそのまま伝えるのではなく、相手の考えや立場を尊重し、受け取り方まで考え、その場にふさわしい方法で表現しようとします。時として、意見の食い違いが起こることはありますが、譲歩し合いながら根気よく意見を出し合おうと努力します。

下図で理解してみましょう。

次回は“自分の考えや気持ちを伝える”ということについて、アサーティブになるためのヒントや相手を理解するということはどういうことか?に話を進めます。

8月15日月曜日は夏季休業のため、コラムは休載します。8月20日土曜日から掲載します。

<運営会社:Jiyuuku Inc.

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