連載:アサーション【4】

メンタル・イデア・ラボの本城ハルです。

アサーションの連載最終回は、アサーティブなコミュニケーションを心がけるために幾つかワークをやってみましょう。

【自分の気持ちに気づく1】

気持ちを表す言葉をできるだけ多く書き出してみましょう。

例)楽しい、嬉しい、悲しい など

【自分の気持ちに気づく2】

次の( )の中を自分と向き合いながら埋めてみましょう。

  • 私は(  )とイラッとする。
  • 私は(  )と楽しい気持ちになる。
  • 私は(  )と悲しい気持ちになる。
  • 私は(  )に喜びを感じる。
  • 私は怒ると(  )になります。
  • 私は悲しいと(  )になります。
  • 私は嬉しいと(  )になります。

今まででアサーションに必要なことを学んできました。アサーティブには大きな柱があります。それは、

【誠実】【率直】【対等】【選択と自己決定】

です。

また、アサーティブになるために実践、意識しておくと良いこともあります。

自己決定/感情表現/自己責任/断る/頼む/褒める/傾聴できる/率直に意見が言える/交渉する/自己実現/褒め言葉を受け取る/建設的な批判/新しいことに挑戦する勇気/正当な批判を受け入れられる/不当な批判に対し、それを否定し自分の意見や気持ちを伝えられる/長所短所も含め自分を好きでいられる などです。

それぞれの表現の違いから心理パターンを考えていきましょう。

アサーティブな表現
自己決定→相手に表現(気持ち/意見)→それに対し相手がYES、NO→YESの場合「ありがとう」と感謝の気持ち→NOの場合→双方が譲歩、歩み寄りなど擦り合わせをして提案

●アグレッシブな表現
自己決定→相手に表現→思いどおりになる→自分は満足だがイマイチ後味が悪い(後悔する)→相手から嫌われたり敬遠される→孤立する

●ノンアサーティブな表現
不快、不愉快→欲求不満→相手に対し怒りが蓄積(相手を恨む、誰かに八つ当たりする)→キレる、もしくは我慢する→自分のせいと考え、自分を責める→鬱になる

最初は意識しないとアサーティブになれないかもしれませんし、特定の人に対してだけアサーティブになれない場合もあるかもしれません。

自分の中に無意識に「負けたくない」「認めることは負けだ」「謝ったら負け」「言い負かせたい」「自分が正しい」という気持ちがあると爽やかな表現はできません。

そのためにワークで自分を知る“自己理解”が不可欠です。

他者理解をする前に自己理解。

今一度、案外知らない自分自身としっかり向き合い、自分の一番の理解者になってみませんか。

<運営会社:Jiyuuku Inc.

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