メンタル・イデア・ラボの本城ハルです。
今回は近年激増する児童虐待に、とうとう厚生労働省がガイドラインを設け指針案を発表したことについて、私見を書いてみようと思います。
罪のない子供の命を守る、子供の人権を守り個人を尊重するという観点からそれ自体は大賛成ですし、虐待問題は社会全体として重く考えるべき課題だと思っています。イギリスやカナダには公的なアドボケイト制度があります。
アドボケイトとは子供（当事者）の意向に寄り添い、聞き取り、その権利を擁護代弁していくことで、その擁護代弁していく人のことをアドボケイターと言います。海外では弁護士がその役割を担うケースも多く見られますが、日本ではこの取り組み自体が新しく、ようやくアドボケイターの養成に着手したところです。
しかし一方で、今回の指針案の内容を読んで違和感を覚え、考えさせられたのも事実です。
自分の職業云々の前に、私も思春期男子の母親であり、今まで散々子供の教育、躾に悩んできましたし、今もその最中にいます。そして、まだしばらく続くであろうことでもあり、ゲンナリもしています。
実際罰則はないとはいえ、今回の指針案を見ると、かなりの“ダメ”が明記されており、仮にこれを家庭できっちり守り、やり切ろうとすると相当な無理が生じるような気がします。親を辞めたくなる人が続出しそうです。
今までは家庭の考えや方針のもと、教育や躾は個々の家庭に委ねられてきました。アメとムチ、という言葉があるように、そのアメやムチをどう使い分け、我が子を躾けていくのか？だった気がします。虐待のガイドラインが設定されたことで、今回『ムチは全面禁止』となるわけです。
我が家ではどうだったのか？を考えてみました。子供に正座をさせたこともありますし、お尻ペンペンもやりました。頭ゴンッ！とゲンコツを喰らわせたことも、結果晩ご飯抜きになってしまった・・・もあります。でも、こぼしながらご飯を食べた、言うことを聞かなかった（広義ではそうなりますが）などの理由ではありません。
自分（子供自身）や他者を重大な危険にさらす可能性のある行為、公序良俗に反したり、他者に重大な不利益や迷惑をかけるかもしれない行為に対しては『じっくりしっかり言い聞かせる』は後に回し、とにかく今すぐに“手をピシャリ”、“頭ゴンッ！”で理解させなくてはいけない場面もあるのではないでしょうか。
親側が不快になる、大変な思いをする、思い通りにならない・・・などの理由で感情をぶつける意味での殴る蹴る、ひっぱたくは明らかに虐待と言えますが、日常的に起こるさまざまなことに対峙し、その場その場で対応していくのは保護者、今はまだもっぱら母親がその役割を担うことが多く、それゆえに追い詰められやすいのも母親です。
虐待したくてする親はいない、私はそう思っています。ならば、実現不可能に近い虐待のガイドラインを作り、あれダメこれダメを設定するよりも、
虐待しそうになるとても苦しく孤立を感じた時に適切な支援をおこなう、毎日必死でいっぱいいっぱいになっている保護者の小さな訴えに２４時間いつでも話を聞いてもらえる窓口が、もっともっと身近に必要ではないか
と考えます。一応民間を含めいろいろな電話相談窓口はありますが、とにかく繋がりません。本当に何回、何十回かけても繋がらないのです。
余談ですが、中学１年の息子は重複の発達障害を持っていて、発達性協調運動や眼球運動、微細運動や粗大運動にも問題を抱えています。とても見落とされやすく、表面だけを見ると障害があることさえわかりません。「あなたが発達障害を作ったんじゃないの？」「そんなふうに見えないんだけど・・・。普通じゃない？神経質過ぎ」などなど、無知からくる無理解極まりない人たちにゴリゴリと心を削られてきました。
学校はもちろん、考えうるすべての支援機関と繋がり、専門家の支援やアドバイスをもらっている私でさえ、一歩間違えれば取り返しのつかないことをしてしまったであろう場面が幾度となくありました。それを支えてくれているのは、私自身を取り巻く状況を誰よりも知るパートナー、そして長い付き合いの大切な友人たちです。彼らがいなければ、母子心中してもおかしくなかったと思います。
わからないことはすぐに調べ上げてフットワーク軽くどこへでも出向き、必要とあらば発達障害に関する資格をいくつも取得する私でも、学校や支援機関、行政機関の窓口と手続きの複雑さや煩雑さ、細かな申し送りがなされなかった時の不便さ、もどかしさを知っています。
必要なのは虐待の細かい指針を決め『これを守りましょう』『これはやってはダメです』と親を執拗に縛ることではなく、追い詰められてもいろんな事情で助けの声を上げられない、上げ方がわからない、訴える場所もわからない、ゆえに孤立していく（かもしれない）
育児難民（予備軍）を生まない枠組み
を考えることではないか、と私は思います。
＜運営会社：Jiyuuku Inc. ESSAY＞
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