メンタル・イデア・ラボの本城ハルです。
前回アタッチメント不全は人間関係に影響を及ぼすという話をしました。
不安定なアタッチメントは、社会生活を送りながら広がっていく人間関係すべてに表れます。ある時は表面だけの付き合いで、顔を合わさなくなれば縁遠くなって交友関係が終わってしまう。学校や職場でも同じで、親しくしていてもその場だけ、プライベートに踏み込んだ深い付き合いや関わり合いを避ける。また、反対に依存傾向が強くなり、程よい距離で信頼に裏打ちされた人間関係を構築できず苦しみます。
自分はダメな人間だからどうなってもいい、いなくなりたいと思う。人を信じることができない、そもそも信じるということがどういうことかわからない。自分の味方でいようとしてくれる人に対して攻撃的な気持ちを持ってしまう（攻撃的な言動をとる）、思い出したくない過去がある、生活していて現実感がないと感じる時がある、上手く人に感情を出せない・・・これらはアタッチメント不全からくる複雑性ＰＴＳＤかもしれません。
他者と気持ちを通わせることができない、信じたいのに信じることができない孤独は本当に辛いと思います。
身近な養育者から関心を向けてもらえないことや、虐待や否定ばかりで精神的に抑圧され続けると、認めてもらいたい、愛してほしい気持ちや自分に目を向けてほしい気持ちから気に入られる良い子でいよう、いなくてはと思うようになります。
養育者の機嫌を伺い、表情を読み、否定拒絶されないように取り繕って振る舞うことを繰り返す中で、他者に対しても本当に気を許すことができず、信頼して感情を出すことに不安が強く、不信や恐怖を感じるようになるのです。
必要以上に空気を読み、「こう言えば相手を喜ばせることができる」「こう言えば自分をこう見てもらえる」と自分の感情より周りにどう映るのかばかりをいつも意識していると、本当の自分の気持ちをわからなくなり、自分を見失ってしまうのです。
上手く信頼関係を築くことができないので、自分を支えようとしてくれる支援者や理解者（パートナーも含む）に対し、無意識のうちに「この人は本当に自分を理解してくれようとしているのか／理解しているのか」を歪な形の試し行為で確認しようとし、結果怒りを買ったり呆れられて人が離れていってしまい、離れていったことに「やっぱりわかってもらえなかった」「人は裏切るものなんだ」「人は信じられない」と深く傷つきます。
◇
ここで愛着スタイルの違いについて説明しようと思います。
アタッチメント不全は不安定なアタッチメントが問題ですが、不安定なアタッチメントには２つの愛着スタイルがあります。
不安型と回避型です。
不安型と回避型では内面はともかく、ストレス下では違った表れ方をします。
対人関係でのトラブルも、一見クールで冷めたような対応でほとんど表情を変えない回避型に比べ、不安型は見捨てられ不安からしがみ付いたり、取り乱して抵抗します。見捨てられ不安が強く不安定な人間関係しか築けず、身勝手に映る場面が多い不安型は、パーソナリティ障害の境界例と酷似しています。
トラブルがあっても周りに人がいても相談できず、じっと一人で抱え込み、耐えるのが回避型。誰かれ構わず巻き込み、甘えられる人には甘えようとするのが不安型です。
ＨＳＰの特徴と被る部分もありますが、他者の顔色や気持ちの変化に敏感で、気に入られようと必要以上に空気を読む人もいれば、対人関係に冷めた気持ちでクールに見える（何を考えているのかわからない、と言われるようです）人もいるので、根底に横たわる問題がアタッチメント不全であっても表れ方は十人十色、１００人いれば１００通りです。
次回、少し回避型の特徴を掘り下げてアタッチメント不全の話は終わりにします。
◇
＜運営会社：Jiyuuku Inc.＞
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