全３回：ストレスマネジメント【２】

メンタル・イデア・ラボの本城ハルです。

前回に引き続き、ストレスマネジメントの２回目になります。今回は積極的コーピングやソーシャルサポート、ソーシャルスキルについて考えていきましょう。

前回紹介した【感情優先／積極・消極】【問題優先／積極・消極】ですが、感情を鎮めることを優先するか、問題の解決を優先するのかは個人の性格やケースにより変わってくることもあります。しかし、積極的な対処をするか、消極的な対処をするかは個人の“意志”次第で、ある程度変容できる部分でもあります。

性格自体を変えることは難しくても、気の持ちようは、努力である程度変えられるというわけです。

『自分は〇〇だから』『〇〇だから無理』『前も〇〇だったからできないに違いない』・・・という思いが出てくるかもしれません。以前【認知の歪み】のコラムでも書いた、思い込みによる認知の歪みが邪魔をすることもあることを思い出してください。

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積極的コーピング、消極的コーピング、どちらを選択するかは、誰かに強引に決められることなく、任意にあなた自身がその努力を選択することができる『行動』です。

“積極的”“消極的”という表現から『自分は消極的だからダメなんだ』『やはり積極的が優れているんだ』と受け取る人もいると思いますが、決してそうではありません。以前お話した“優性遺伝”“劣性遺伝”を思い出してください。“優”という漢字は“優れた”に使われますが、優性遺伝が優れた遺伝子というわけではありませんでしたよね。

何でもかんでも積極的、積極性が良しで、消極的、消極性が悪、劣っている、ではありません。

下記に積極的コーピング、消極的コーピング、それぞれの行動と心理的ストレス反応を表にしてみました。自分自身がどちらのコーピング傾向にあるのかを、ストレスを伴う困難に遭遇した場合、どのような行動を取ることが多いのか、【行動】の欄を見ながら考えてみてください。

より良いコーピングとは、問題解決の積極的コーピングであることは理解できたと思いますが、より良いコーピングを安定して実践していくために必要なものがあります。それは、

ソーシャルサポート、ソーシャルスキル

という概念です。ソーシャルサポートとは、パートナーや家族、身近な人、友人や知人、職場の上司や同僚も含まれ、あなた自身が周囲から受けられる支援（サポート）のことです。問題解決のために目上の人や尊敬する人からもらう具体的アドバイス、パートナーや友人に悩みを聞いてもらい共感を得たり、理解してもらうという情緒的なサポートになります。

誰でも自分が経験した以上のことを想像したり、自分の身に置き換えて考えるのは難しいものですが、大切な人が悩んでいるツラい気持ちや、一人で抱え込んでいると感じる孤独感や絶望感にそっと寄り添うことはできるものです。ここでは以前お話した【アクティブ・リスニング（傾聴）】が役立ちます。

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一旦話が逸れますが、気持ちを落ち着かせたり、荒れくれた気持ちを穏やかにするために重要な働きをする“愛情ホルモン”と言われるオキシトシンというホルモンがあります。

オキシトシン舌下スプレー、オキシトシン点鼻というものがあるのですが、日本では認可されていないので海外から個人輸入して自己責任で使用することしかできません。私は、イライラしがちで感情コントロールが難しい息子に、以前オキシトシン舌下スプレーを試したことがありました。すぐに効き目が表れるような性質のものではないので多少時間はかかりましたが、息子にはかなりの効き目を感じました。息子本人も「いつもより全然イライラしない！」と効果を実感したようでした。

継続していない理由は、海外では認可されていても国内で認可されていないことから、継続するには大いなる責任が伴うことと、何より高額だからです。自閉症スペクトラムへの情緒面の治療薬として期待されていますが、認可にはまだ時間を要しそうです。

しかし国内外のオキシトシン研究で、ハンドタッピングやマッサージにより、手の温もりからこのオキシトシンが分泌されることがわかってきました。愛情ホルモンは別名『幸せホルモン』とも呼ばれ、『安心ホルモン』でもあるので、心細かったりツラい時に愛するパートナーにハグしてもらう、信頼する人に「大丈夫、君ならできるよ」と肩をポンポン叩かれる・・・それで安心したり、気持ちがラクになった経験は誰もが持っているのではないでしょうか。それ、実はオキシトシンパワーです（笑）

私のオキシトシン分泌促進剤的なものは、信頼できるパートナーに話を聞いてもらいハグしてもらうこと、長い付き合いの信頼できる友人たちと話をすること、癒し効果抜群の猫たちと触れ合うことです。効果抜群です。

ソーシャルサポートとは、裏に隠されたオキシトシンパワー、そういう意味合いも含めて持っています。皆さんのオキシトシン分泌促進剤は何ですか？

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次にソーシャルスキルですが、この場合のソーシャルスキルとはわかりやすく言うと“人付き合いスキル”で、人付き合いが上手い人は、円滑で友好的に幅広い層の人々と人間関係を構築、持続できるので、それが人脈という資源となり、ソーシャルサポート源になっていきます。

無意識にせよ、他者に対し身勝手な言動や振る舞いを繰り返したり、責任感のない誠意を感じられない対応、マウンティング、ワガママですぐに感情的になりやすいなど、ソーシャルスキルが低いと周りにはあなたを支援しよう、したいと思う人は少なくなってしまいます。そうなると、ソーシャルサポートという安定したコーピングに必要な“人脈”という資源が少なくなるので、ストレス耐性は低くなりがちです。

孤独、孤立はストレス耐性に大きく関わり、ストレスコーピングにも差が表れてきます。ソーシャルスキルがソーシャルサポートに繋がり、より良いコーピングを実現させることに結び付いていくと考えられています。

考えてみましょう。いつもあなたの話をきちんと聞き、寂しさやツラさに寄り添ってくれる友人と、側にはいるけど、こちらの話はろくすっぽ聞いてもくれず、話を被せてきて自分の話に持っていく（会話泥棒と言うそうです）か、口を開けば根性論や自慢、不平不満に文句ばかりのパートナー、お互いが困った事態になり苦しんでいる時、あなたはどちらにも同じように寄り添いたいと思いますか？

幾つもソーシャルサポートを持っていると、ストレッサー（ストレス原因）や心理的ストレス反応を減少させる効果があります。ここでソーシャルスキルを幾つかに分けて、どのような“人付き合いのスキル”があるのか見ていきましょう。

マネジメントスキル：自分への要求や要請を、段取りを考えて行動したり、感情的にならず、わかりやすく他者に伝えたり指示するスキル。

コミュニケーションスキル：他者に自分の意思や考えを的確に伝えたり、他者の考えを自分勝手なフィルターを通さず理解するなど、上手く会話を進めるスキル。

トラブルシューティングスキル：他者との間に勘違いやスレ違いから生じた軋轢を、考えて会話や行動によって良好な状態に修正するスキル。

といったところでしょうか。ここで簡単なソーシャルスキルテストをしてみましょう。

それぞれの問いに、まったくできない＜１点＞、少しできる＜２点＞、普通にできる＜３点＞、かなりできる＜４点＞、完璧にできる＜５点＞、をプラスしながら評価してみてください。

  1. 誰とでもあまり会話が途切れない。
  2. いろいろな目標を立てるのを困難だと思わない。
  3. 他者に対して、やってもらいたいことを上手く伝えることができる。
  4. 他者が自分とは違う考えを持っていても、擦り合わせ、上手くやっていける。
  5. 他者への手助けが上手にできる。
  6. 間違いや勘違いなどを指摘された時、感情的にならず、すぐに謝ることができる。
  7. 怒っている相手の話を聞き、上手くなだめられる。
  8. 初対面の人に、上手く自己紹介できる。
  9. 知らない人が相手でも、すぐに会話ができる。
  10. 周囲から矛盾する話が伝達されても混乱せずに処理できる。
  11. 周囲とトラブルが発生しても上手に処理できる。
  12. 自分の気持ちや感情を適切な手段で素直に表現できる。
  13. 恐怖を感じた時に上手くその感情を処理できる。
  14. 仕事上でどこに問題があるのか、すぐに見つけることができる。
  15. 気まずいことがあっても、相手と上手く和解できる。
  16. 相手から非難されることがあっても、上手く片付けることができる。
  17. 仕事ややらなくてはいけないことがある時、何をどうすればよいかを決められる。
  18. 何人かで話をしているところに、話を折らず気軽に参加できる。

如何でしたか？合計点が７０点以上（Ａ）は、人付き合いスキルが特上クラスです（笑）。５２〜６９点（Ｂ）であれば、まずまずの人間関係が構築できるとされ、それ以下（Ｃ）だと人付き合いは苦手と感じている人たちかもしれません。

また（Ｃ）に分類される人たちの多くに、人間関係が拗れた時にさっさと距離を置いたり、身を引く防御型、感情の拳を振り上げ、自分の正当性を主張する攻撃型とに分けられます。どちらも他者に傷つけられることを避けようとする自己防衛の表れです。

どちらも無意識な場合が多いので、『自分にはそういうことがあるかもな』と意識してみることは大切です。まずは自分にある思考や行動の癖に気付かないことには“だったらこう心がけよう”に繋がっていかないからです。点数は伏せますが、私も常に意識し続けている部分はあります。

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コラムで代表のスミも書いていましたが、ストレスに晒され苦しい時に、たった一人で抱え込むことは精神的孤立に繋がり、メンタルを削られ疲弊していくので危険です。メンタルが疲弊すると、心身共にやる気を奪われ、正常な判断力、思考力が低下します。精神的な孤立化が進むと、社会的にも孤立しやすくなると同時に、益々気持ちが追い詰められ、知らず知らずに鬱状態に陥ります。

孤立をものともせず、たった一人でも心身生き抜いていけるサバイバーもいますが、強がりではなく本心からそう感じている人や実践できる人は稀ではないでしょうか。私が思い当たるのは“ジョン・ランボー”ぐらいです（笑）

日本が全国的に皆が不安を抱えているこのような状況だからこそ、カッコつけよう、強がろうとせず、『大変なんだよ、不安だ、頑張んなきゃいけないのはわかっているけど疲れたよ』と心の『澱み』『愚痴』を話してください。共感が精神的な孤立化を防ぎ、心の支えや安心感に繋がっていくことを感じるはずです。

最終回となる次回（５月５日）は、心理的ストレス反応の段階や、ストレスが引き起こす関連疾患、引き起こされるメカニズムと、具体的なストレスマネジメントの方法を幾つかお話しようと思います。

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＜運営会社：Jiyuuku Inc.＞

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